What I Would Wear (If I Were A Guy)

For a long time I've toyed with a kind of "Dress A Day Guide To Style For Guys" but I've never done it, mostly because I hate any kind of fashion writing that says YOU SHOULD WEAR THIS, NO, REALLY, BECAUSE I SAID SO, C'MON NOW, ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME MAD? People should wear what they want to wear (as long we all agree that "want to wear" = "made a conscious, thoughtful decision to wear").

So yesterday I realized, hey, I could do a post about what *I* would wear if I were a guy. And yes, I know, unisex styles, androgyny, blah blah blah, but let's face it: nobody who calls her blog "MilitaryHumveeAuction" spends a lot of time Dietriching around in a suit.

First off: if I were a guy I would totally do the kilt thing:

Because, despite being named "Erin", I'm Scots (if you go back a couple hundred years or so) and secondly, girls love 'em. (I'm just assuming here that if I were a guy I'd be a straight guy.) Believe me, walk down the street in a kilt (even if you don't look like David Tennant) and you'll be beating them off with a stick. You might actually need a , come to think of it.

I also like the suit and sneakers look:

(What, did you think I was going to use someone other than Ten to illustrate this point?)

I think this works best when the sneakers are not of the highly-athletic sort. Saturday sneakers rather than performance sneakers, if you know what I mean. (Although also mostly works.)

I also like the ironic and somewhat ratty t-shirt look:

Hugh Laurie as Dr House.

In fact, if I were a guy, I would INVENT pretend bands, photoshop up the tour t-shirts, and have one-offs printed up for me. Then, when asked if I liked the band whose shirt I was wearing, I would say "These guys? They sold out. They suck now."

If I were a guy, I would only wear Levi's jeans. Period. No fancy jeans. This would be non-negotiable. In a pinch, or if I were invited to a rodeo (AS A PARTICIPANT) I would consider Wranglers.

If I were a guy, I would wear with everything.

If I were a guy, I would always have a brushed-aluminum mechanical pencil on my person. (I usually do now, anyway.)

If I were a guy, I would totally copy Francis and wear .

If I were a guy, I'd wear seersucker suits, only I'd wear them with a t-shirt & sneakers, not a dress shirt and tie:

If I were a guy, I'd wear .

Of course, lots of things would still be the same in my closet. I'd still wear heavy-framed glasses, bright colors, plastic watches, and .

I even like the . But never, under any circumstances (unless maybe I lost a serious bet) would I show up in this:

Really, really, really bad shorts.

I promise.

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0 thoughts on “What I Would Wear (If I Were A Guy)

  1. You are so funny. That line about having to lose a serious bet before you would wear that short-shorts getup with the man purse … I just LOST it!!! What WAS that guy thinking?

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  2. Oh…. and why am I not surprised you are a Sartorialist reader? Was so tickled to see that pop up as an embedded link on your site. The only other blog I like as much as yours!

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  3. It is “Stampede week” here right now, and on Tuesday I saw the ultimate “don’t wear with kilt” combo. Brown cowboy hat, brown cowboy boots, olive green and mustard yellow western shirt, and BRIGHT RED AND FOREST GREEN (MacDonald?) TARTAN KILT!!! On a middle aged guy with a big paunch. That outfit says “mildly color-blind and didn’t ask for help” rather than “carefully thought-out”.R.P. in Calgary

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  4. I would so wear a ratty black t-shirt that says “House Rules”. And what’s wrong with wearing your geeky short-sleeved shirt and geeky glasses with your kilt. And Jack Purcells to complete the look. Celt-o-geek….I kinda like it! It’s sad, but true, not every man from Scotland looks like the Doctor. Some of them look like Captain Jack…

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  5. Oh Lord. I saw the top have of the first image and nearly had a stroke because I thought it was DT in a tux. Then I scroll down and discover it’s DT in a kilt – formal kilt at that. Wow…

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  6. Dahling, I fully agree with the comment that said the last photograph had the look of a man in desperate despair. Best he not walk into the wrong NYC neighborhood!And I agree with Viviene of Born Too Late Vintage, a fedora makes almost ANY man look truly droolworthy!

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  7. As an aside, I’m finding the Hugh-Lawrie-as-sex-symbol thing (nearly wrote “sex-thimble” there – nice freudian slip) deeply amusing. He’ll always be feckless old Bertie Wooster to me, reluctantly accepting sartorial advice from Stephen Fry’s Jeeves. Or the stupid Prince Regent in Blackadder. Not sexy at all!A shared memory, my dear, and still a jolt to see him speaking with an American accent!

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  8. Erin, the more I read your blog, the more I am convinced that we would be friends! I was literally looking at converse sneakers online yesterday to buy a pair for my husband to wear to an upcoming wedding- and I was inspired by: (of course) the Doctor! David Tenant definitely has style worth emulating.

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  9. who would have thought our british men could rise to such heights as Dress A Day? I am proud!as for perfection, how about DT in band t-shirt in Liberty print shirt? its a shame these pics look like a shoot from Hello magazine…)I’m rather partial to the red velvet suit he sometimes turns up in:

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  10. I feel so sorry for the model in the last picture. He looks absolutely miserable. He knows there is *nothing* right about that look.

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  11. I have been reading your blog for a while, but haven’t bothered posting until now. David Tennant in a kilt just made my day. I love men in kilts. I’m lucky enough that my husband owns a Utilikilt (with lots of pockets!), but he doesn’t wear it often enough. (Catnip, I tell ya!) Also, thanks to gaile, who posted the link to Ewan MacGregor in kilt, too. YUM! Happy day!I also love the suit/sneakers look. Though a good 40’s suit with fedora and spectator oxfords (and suspenders!) melts me as well. My hubby often rocks the t-shirt, blazer, jeans with funky boots look, and I do love that. Becky F.

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  12. fjkda;fjdak;dkfa; I’m DROOLING over David Tennant in that kilt. DREEEEAAAAMMMY. I love his style on that shoe, as well as House’s. 🙂 This comment is short because I have to scroll back up to stare at David again….

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  13. Alright… so if you haven’t already, check out Celtic Thunder. They are a five man singing group with full orchestra, and they are THE best dressed performers. And handsome! 😀 They rock amazing suits and shoes, hats, KILTS, and black capes. They have some performances on their website and some on youtube, so if you just search, you will undoubtedly find them and their amazing style. Watch them all! They change outfits all the time! OH! I also have them on my blog so just go there and it’s a little preview of the whole show! 🙂

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  14. I bought the Mr a kilt some Christmas’s ago and it is the most sexy outfit he owns. As for David Tennant – be still my heart!I’m only just discovering his sex symbol status, I thought he was my very own secret boyfriend.

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  15. Oh, your Wranglers-at-the-rodeo comment went straight to my heart. I attended the Pendleton Rodeo last year and all the dreamy young cowboys were wearing their Wranglers and their checked western shirts with sponsor logos machine-embroidered on them, and they all looked so darling and young and tough-but-shy, it was awesome. Anybody who has a chance to go to the rodeo should just do it (unless, I guess, you’re a big animal-rights person; it ain’t the bullfights, but I’m sure it’s not PETA-approved.).

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  16. Helllllllllllllooo KILT!Phwaor!Oh yes and we also go to scottish country dancing things and boy do those Kilts look fab with the white shirts done up with the strings.It was hard not to stare…

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  17. do you know Jamie and Claire Frazier? if you don’t… you should! Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon has enough kilts to make you go crazy!

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