I have to admit: I watched not one minute of the Oscars yesterday. I don't see the point, really, now that we have the Internet. I could spend six hours watching it all unfold in real time, or I could spend twenty minutes the next morning on the highlight reel. I like to maximize my entertainmental efficiency. (So I watched THE WIRE instead. Oh, McNulty, you are so damaged and yet so compelling! Lester, are you deluded, or a genius, or both?)
Anyway, the whole point of the Oscars is, of course, the dresses, so here is the Dress A Day Completely Random Commentary on Oscar Fashion of 2008.
First off, above: Keri Russell. I don't really like this color, but Keri Russell is so gobsmackingly beautiful that it doesn't matter. Which is pretty much the way I feel about all of the actor/dress combos: to get to Oscar level, you pretty much have to be either gobsmackingly beautiful, or have great talent and personal charisma. And if you are pretty, talented, and charismatic, what you wear is a mere DETAIL.
How much do I love Julie Christie for designing her own dress? I love her with ALL MY LOVE:
Do I wish it were full-length and do I not comprehend the gloves one bit? Yes. But still: it's the thought that counts. Take that, Fashion Hegemony!
And Miley Cyrus:
You look charming, adorable, and AGE-APPROPRIATE. Congratulations! Your parents must be so proud of you.
Also, Miley, while you're up, could you tell Anne Hathaway that she's about twenty years away from playing grande dame parts, no matter how much she'd like to, as evidenced by this dress?
Helen Mirren, you continue to dress perfectly. I love the color and the sleeves and YOU. I would say "don't ever change," but your realization that people Actually Age (unheard of in Hollywood) means that you will continue to change WELL.
Jennifer Garner: I love you. I watched all of Alias TWICE. That Catch and Release movie you did was pure genius. But please, Get Away from Rachel Zoe! Only an evil schemer would put all that hair over your charming and expressive face. The dress is fine, though, but I liked that much better.
And Callista Flockhart:
This dress really works for you! You look elegant and like yourself. Great job!
Thus concludes our Oscar coverage. Same time next year?
[All pictures Reuters.]