Today's Pattern Story (and sale): Butterick 5832

 

Yes, it is a nice day. Isn’t it?

Yes, I am glad that I came out to the club with you and “the boys”.

Yes, it’s good to get out of the office and do a little informal business.

Yes, I’m a good sport not to be offended that they wouldn’t let me golf. Or wear trousers. Or drive the golf cart. Or sit in the dining room. Or park my car in the parking lot. Or come in the front door.

Yes, Danny’s a riot. Absolutely a scream. That joke about women lawyers? That must always have them in stitches at his firm.

Yes, I do make a great cup of coffee. That *is* one of my many excellent work qualifications, in addition to being editor of the law review and my Supreme Court clerkship.

Yes, I am imagining you all dying of massive coronaries as you grunt and smoke and drink and make unnecessary comments about my ass. (Yes, I can hear you.)

No, I didn’t say that last thing out loud.

 

is from MOMSPatterns … and Jen is having a sale! She has more than , and they’re 75% off THAT with the code ‘bigsale’ until April 5. And she’s throwing in 15% off all OTHER patterns for the month of April  just for Dress A  Day readers (no foolin’!). Use the code ‘sewingbasket’.

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Winging It

 

Sorry for the white-on-white image here, but behold the triumphant future-weird that is the .

I kind of love it. A lot. Maybe because the wings are , but probably mostly because I’ve always wanted a carapace. (Tell the truth: you do too.)

This would be a fantastic dress in black, with iridescent green organza wings. Or red, with red-and-black polka-dotted wings. If you extended the skirt length and made the wings of silver lamé, you’d have a great shot at a Space Empress dress (or two: try it in a holographic laminate print). The possibilities: literally without end.

Today's Pattern Story: Vogue 3286

 

Like most of the other students in the dojo, Betsy dreamed of the day where she, too, would achieve the red sash, and find oblivion in inhaling deeply the sweet breath of the lotos-orchids. In the meantime, as a lowly pink belt, she performed such menial tasks as making sure Gladys didn’t trip on her sash of honor and recruiting new novices from the village fête.

Surely the woman in the floral dress would leave the cake table soon, and then Betsy could offer her a free pamphlet!

 

(Pattern courtesy of the )

Today's Pattern Story: Vogue 2880

 

Pensive: Do I look pensive enough? The column is certainly pensive-worthy, but what about the wicker chair? Is wicker pensive?

Skeptical: Huh.

Pensive: I should be holding a rose, right? Not girdling myself with one? And it should be an actual flower, not a repurposed shower scrubber?

Skeptical: If you say so.

Pensive: What about the petroleum-based sheen of this fabric? I think perhaps it’s a little too oleaginous.

Skeptical: Could be.

Pensive: Well, it will all be fine when the unicorn shows up.

Skeptical: Any minute now. Sure.

Today's Pattern Story: Butterick 6257

Green: I’m not sure I have this combination down yet, can we run through it one more time?

Red: From the top: and a one-two-three-four ball-change shuffle head-fling longing-glance hip-thrust — got it?

Green: oh — the longing glance! That’s what was throwing me off. Thanks!

Red: No problem. Us chorines have to stick together. Don’t forget to pick up your hat and gloves from wardrobe!

 

(If you would like this pattern for your very own, it’s on Etsy courtesy of seller .)

 

Today's Pattern Story: Vogue 6253

 

Salt: No, you have to maintain an air of mystery, like this. Turn your head, just until you can see your right shoulder blade, or your neck cramps, whichever comes first.

Pepper: I prefer to hypnotize with my direct stare. Also, my brooch spins and strobes.

Salt: Well, once they’re hypnotized, will you ask them where Marie is? I need her help to unsnap the lower two carapaces so I can sit down.

Pepper: You and me both, sugar.

Salt: It’s Salt.

(if you NEED this pattern, and have the fiberglass-casting capability to make those carapaces, it’s from seller )

A Useful Tool

 

This weird-looking thing is a . And if your feet are AT ALL wider than “medium,” you want one. (In fact, you want two, but you can get away with one.)

I finally broke down and bought one late last year and have now managed to rescue several pairs of shoes that were previously too painfully narrow to wear. Using it couldn’t be simpler: fill a spray bottle with 50% water/50% rubbing alcohol, spritz the inside of the shoe or boot you want to stretch, and insert device. Turn handle to stretch. (The black bobbles in the picture are inserted into the holes in the fitter to add extra stretchy to accommodate corresponding bumps on your own feet.)

Although this particular model is spendy ($50!) it’s still way cheaper and faster than taking shoes to the cobbler to be stretched. The only downside is that having this is enabling my “buy vintage roper boots on Etsy” habit something awful. There’s also a that’s shoes-only, and that will stretch both length- and width-wise.

Sorry, people with narrow feet … there’s no corresponding shoe-shrinker. You’ll just have to be satisfied with being able to find vintage super-narrow and Bally shoes everywhere you look …

[If you are all “ew, used shoes!” that’s totally fine by me, leaves more for me to buy.]