Just one more, from :
THE BEACH: A PLAY IN ONE ACT
Angela: Where is Helen? I keep thinking about Helen.
Francine: It always unnerves people at the beach if you turn around and stare inland, instead of out at the water. Try it sometime.
Margaret: I shall bestride the narrow earth like a Colossus! Oh, wait. I AM a Colossus. I shall bestride the narrow earth like me!
Doris: The stars! The stars in my pocket like grains of sand! Sand in my pocket like stars! Who eats paper? I ate some paper. My sunglasses are torpid. Also, pickles! Shiny, shiny pickles!
Helen (from offstage): No one even noticed that I left.
Today's story-pattern is brought to us by :
Plot synopsis: The fabulously wealthy Candace Verweehauken-Jones is not only the leader of New York's social scene; she's also #1 on the FBI's most-wanted list (for racketeering, mostly, and as a suspect in the death of husband #3, Cornelius Jones). To keep from being apprehended and arrested at the various charity galas she chairs, she is attended at all times by two top-of-the-line social-secretary/security bots (manufactured by Verweehauken Industries, small appliances division).
Orange dress apprises Mrs. CVJ of the names, net worths, and current social entanglements and aspirations of all approachers, via a wireless heads-up display accessed directly through Mrs. CVJ's retinas. Floral dress is tasked with threat assessment, CCTV monitoring (again, wirelessly), and champagne/canape procurement.
However, tonight—tonight all Mrs. CVJ's carefully-laid plans will go awry, as she will be captured, in more than one way, by a last-minute fill-in date for one of the Junior Social Chairs—one Special Agent Robert Kerrigidan. Fireworks and firepower both come into play, as their epic gun battle ends in an equally epic kiss in the ruins of the ballroom. Don't miss it!
Check out this pattern from :
Yellow Dress: These sleeves are the height of chic.
Gray Dress: I don't know who she thinks she's fooling with those sleeves.
Yellow and Gray are sisters (Yellow is the eldest, Gray is the cynical baby of the family). Yellow is looking to make a lucrative marriage to a wealthy industrialist in order to save the family's pencil-eraser business, which employs several hundred people in their town of Rasa, in upstate New York. Gray, on the other hand, has taken over the factory since the death of their father. Her plan for success is to branch out from plain pink erasers and start manufacturing novelty pencil toppers, too.
After several madcap misadventures (one involving an escaped goat who eats an entire day's output of novelty pencil toppers) Gray manages to land the wealthy industrialist — not as a husband, but as an investor! Yellow marries the local postman, whom she has always secretly loved. They have triplets. Gray is a huge success and becomes the first female pencil-eraser executive to make the cover of Forbes (and, for those of you who need all the stories to end with romance, she marries the factory foreman).
Today's story is from :
BRIDE: TODAY is the HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
BRIDESMAID #1: My feet hurt. But boy, Amy sure looks happy.
BRIDESMAID #2: This veil itches. But boy, Amy sure looks happy. Is that guy over there the groom's brother? Why didn't Amy tell me Paul had a cute brother?
BRIDE: My bridesmaids are beautiful. I am beautiful. Paul has spinach in his teeth, but I don't care. This is the happiest day of my life.
B#1: How come I had to wear gloves? And is that guy Paul's brother? He looks like Paul. Somebody should tell Paul he has spinach in his teeth. At MY wedding we won't have creamed spinach.
B#2: I wonder, would accidentally-on-purpose dropping this bouquet in front of Paul's brother be obvious, or "meeting cute"?
BRIDE: Only a hundred more pictures to go, then I can eat. For the first time in three months. Then there will be CAKE! This is the happiest day of my life.
Today's story comes to us courtesy of and this pattern:
Two editors from Mademoiselle have trapped a hapless, unknowing reader in a block of clear lucite, where they will subject her to countless literary and sartorial experiments (until the demise of the magazine in 2001).
You can tell the woman in beige is a senior editor because her eyes are completely dead. (Also because, look, beige!) The woman in red is a market editor. Also, the editor in beige is on the verge of tearing a button off her jacket and hurling it at the poor trapped reader. Just because she can.
So all this week I think I'll be posting pattern images that evoke (at least for me) elaborate and possibly impossible backstories. This one is from — check it out:
Is it just me, or is Anjelica Huston about THIS CLOSE from punching out Joan Crawford in this picture? Or maybe she's hiding a gun behind her back? I think they are rivals in the same nail salon (thus the smocks), fighting for the affections of the head masseuse, Sven, who isn't away at the front because he's 4F. (Yes, I know that AH and JC aren't really contemporaries, but this is the World of Pattern Envelopes, where anything goes.)
Later, it turns out that Sven is NOT 4F, but a German spy! JC and AH band together to expose his perfidy (he was hypnotizing his subjects during massages to extract secrets VITAL TO THE WAR EFFORT) and they each get a medal.
They don't wear these dresses to the medal ceremony, just so we're clear.
What do you think is going on in this illustration?
So, Jen of is taking a trip from sunny Florida (VERY SUNNY, as she KEEPS REMINDING ME) to Indianapolis (STILL WARMER THAN CHICAGO) to meet up with Lisa of & ! This meeting of Sewing Pattern Divas is being celebrated by a sale at their sites. They're using coupon code 'watchoutworld' and you will save 15% off your orders starting right now, and it can be used through NEXT weekend. (Lisa can't do coupons up front at Miss Helene's, so just put the coupon code in your paypal payment, and you'll receive your 15% back as a refund.) Sale ends Midnight EST on Sunday, March 15, 2009. Also, Jen's poor hubby will be handling her orders and is running away for the weekend, so orders from MOMSPatterns will be processed Friday night, then not again until Monday afternoon.
Also: GREAT NEWS! is OPEN AGAIN! Yay, Penny! I'm glad your site is back up!
PS: Lisa: have you told Jen she's going to need one of these?