As they (used to) say, You Knit What?

I know you all have been missing . Even though I don't knit, I miss it too. Which is why I'm posting this picture. The site in question (click on the picture if you need to visit it, and I use the word "need" very loosely here) sent me an email, telling me they had a sexy!! new!! site!! in about eight different colors.

Now, I don't want to hold bad email formatting choices against people. Some of my best friends had to be told (gently) that they were shouting (in all caps), at one point or another. But I should have taken it as a warning, because … this … this is an all-caps NO. This is an eight-colors NO.

Unless your Halloween costume is "toilet paper cozy", no. Unless you have a sexual fetish that involves pretending to be an afghan, no. I just don't understand this aesthetic. Bumblebee? Bumbleebee at Dollywood? Bumblebee at a "Gentlemen's Club" at Dollywood?

The website in question also advertises their patterns as "Fearless!!" Well, I'd say you'd have to be pretty damn fearless to wear this out in public. (Sorority hazers need look no further! I got your rush prank right here!) But I would like to introduce them to the concept of . Trust your gut, unless your gut says to knit this.

I don't know if this particular pattern was ever featured on , but I'm assuming it could have been. Possibly for a week straight.

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25 thoughts on “As they (used to) say, You Knit What?

  1. “Wear it to lunch with your mother-in-law, tea with your girlfriends, over your swimsuit, or any place you want to look and feel like a girly girl!”Can you imagine? I wish I had a mother-in-law, just so I could see her expression on seeing me arrive for lunch wearing this. I’d have to make my entrance quickly, though, to catch her as she fainted.

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  2. I had sent this photo to YKW just before they stopped blogging so, sadly, the photo never made it. Surely it would have, no? When I was in middle school we had a neighbor (I can’t remember her name) who worked at one of those “spas” where they wrap you in bandages to help you lose inches – you know what I’m talking about. For work, she wore a leotard and tights (with heels, of course) and over that she wore dresses just like this, color-coordinated to her leotard-o-the-day. Always crocheted in the most heinous acrylic yarn, of course. And, being Texas in the ’70s, was accompanied by very large, teased and sprayed hair.

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  3. the “dress” is bad enough, but its length is the kicker. worst length ever. makes everyone’s legs look like crap, especially when they wear flats.

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  4. OK, I just checked out the site, and I kind of love it for being so crazy. I recommend the “babies and kids” page, and the “fall” page. I’m reeling from the turkey hat.

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  5. I don’t know about you all, but I am getting the Christmas Tree hat and the Decorated scarf for Christmas..right after I order the Turkey hat for Thanksgiving and the Easter Lily neck piece…for spring….I mean I have to have something to wear to a funeral…..maybe just that. WOW.(that was a wow of incredulity). I need a moment. This garb was however strikingly close to the fashion week nightmares I witnessed in the New York Times. She might be on to something.

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  6. Oh yes, I’m familiar with this site. Whenever I am down and need a good laugh, I go to this site. The turkey had always makes me chuckle. How can you not?

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  7. Yes. Yes, it is beyond the shadow of a doubt, a TP cozy. For when your TP needs to feel … cozier than usual. But look how happy she looks*! Or maybe it just tickles.*Or crazy. But it’s a good crazy, the kind that wants to give away a million dollars that she doesn’t have, not the kind of crazy that wants to feed you to the Thing Under The Bed.I’m glad this dress exists. It’s a comfort to know that, no matter what I may be wearing, it’ll be more tasteful than at least one other dress in this world.

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  8. “Busty Issues: The bust of this dress is fully lines with a snug rib stitch that keeps you in placebra or no bra.” The only thing worse than this dress would be this dress on someone with “busty issues” going braless in it – and can you imagine the “fully lines snug rib stitch” against your skin? gah. gah. Fully lines indeed!Thanks, Erin, this and the link to the old YKW site provided a badly needed laugh.

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  9. Oooooooh.I would like to think that the site is a joke, but I just can’t imagine anyone putting that much love into a joke. The neckwear is something special, indeed.

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  10. I liked the strapless dress, with four looks in one, not only does it look like it’s going to fall down as soon as the picture is taken, but two are the same, just from different angles. The site just makes me laugh and makes me thankful that I no one I know knits dresses from this site. here.

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  11. jenny: Thanks for sharing! Frisson inducing – flipping back and forth between the photos. If the TP cozy had been yellow and white, I might have had to stay home today.

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  12. La BellaDonna – I can only assume that the model looks so happy simply because she’s grateful not to be doing something even more degrading for money. That’s the only way anyone could possibly look happy while wearing this dress.

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  13. I remember my aunt telling a story about a bride who had crocheted her entire dress. It poured the night of her reception, and within about 10 minutes her dress was 15 feet long and weighed about 138 pounds, give or take a few ounces of water.Can you just imagine this nasty thing—particularly if one made it in cotton, as they suggest—if you got caught in a sudden summer thunderstorm? The entire neckline would be yawning somewhere near the floor, the straps a yard-and-a-half long, straining under the weight…

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