A One-Dress Play.

INT. ERIN'S SEWING ROOM. DAY.

The room has no windows, and an inadequate standing FAN oscillates arthritically. The walls are covered with half-a-dozen wire SHELVES, on which are piled stacks of messily folded FABRIC. Hanging from the ends of the shelves are several half-finished DRESSES on hangers. An IRONING BOARD and IRON are the to the right, and a green DESK LAMP shines on ERIN, sitting behind an old-fashioned SEWING MACHINE.

ERIN

(muttering) Where's my seam ripper? Dammit.

She rummages around beneath the table.

Got you!

Now I know why I don't sew more silk. Especially in July. Jeebus, it's hot.

THE PHONE RINGS.

ERIN

Good morning, sweetie! No, I don't know where your scuba-diving Batman is. Is Daddy awake? Did you check in the bathroom? Go check the bathroom. No, go check in the bathroom. Did you find him? Great! I'll see you in a little bit. Go wake up Daddy. Love you.

ERIN hangs up.

Arrgh, I cut the midriff upside down! I don't want to recut it. We'll just call it "wabi-sabi," if anyone even notices.

THE PHONE RINGS.

ERIN

This is she. No– no — NO, we are not interested in any toner. Please take us off your call list..

ERIN hangs up.

Now I know why they didn't extend the band to the back. I hate easing outside curves together. Feh.

Where's my seam ripper, dammit?

THE PHONE RINGS.

ERIN

Your new bag of coffee should be in the bottom bin of the freezer. BOTTOM bin. Do you see a bag of frozen blueberries? Behind that. No, behind that. Got it? Love you.

ERIN hangs up.

Bobbin, I will hurt you if you do not cooperate. I mean it. I have a hammer, and I will use it. Ah … that's better.

NEIGHBOR sticks head in doorway.

NEIGHBOR

Is that your load in the washing machine? What are you making?

ERIN

No, it's not my stuff in the washer. This is going to be a new dress, unless it kills me, in which case it's a shroud.

NEIGHBOR exits uneasily.

ERIN bends over the dress in her lap, her mouth full of pins. She guides a pile of fabric through the machine.

ERIN

Don't catch in the seam, don't catch in the seam, don't catch in the seam …

ERIN pulls fabric out, peers at seam.

Dammit. Where's my seam ripper?

One more time.

ERIN runs machine, finishes seam. Snips thread with tiny scissors.

THE PHONE RINGS.

ERIN

I'm just done — I'm on my way upstairs.

No, no, it's been a great morning! Wait until you see this one … see you in a minute!

ERIN turns off iron, light on sewing machine, and desk lamp. She disconnects an iPod from a tiny speaker and puts the iPod in her pocket. She leaves the room with the fabric, now revealed to be a DRESS, over her arm.

The FAN moves from side to side.

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0 thoughts on “A One-Dress Play.

  1. I have an adapted shipping container in my garden in which I write, sew, hide – I kid proofed it, but they keep getting back in…Did s/he like the finished dress?

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  2. I bought this brass seam ripper. Note the loop on the end of the case. I ran a baby ribbon through it; whenever I sit down to sew, the baby ribbon gets looped around my wrist. Very good for the sanity. The baby ribbon also helps locate it when it (oops) gets left somewhere on the floor.

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  3. LOL! This was priceless! I’ve done this, too…but it was infinitely funnier written out as a screenplay. Hilarious!

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  4. incredibly funny… you really should do a book! I never answer the phone in the studio… BTW, I inherited (bought on Ebay) your black crepe dress, and I got it today and LOVE it! What taste you have! I never would have bought that if I saw it on the rack.

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  5. What delicious suspense!I can handle the theatre booking arrangements. If the show takes off in Chicago and opens a New York cast, can I play “Erin”?

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  6. Jonquil, I was amused and sort of baffled to see that seam ripper page had a link to “See Smaller Photo”. What kind of marketing is that? Trying to make the seam ripper harder to find? Then I figured it out.

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  7. Ah, yes, the elusive seam ripper. One of these days I’m going to make a “charm necklace” holding the seam ripper, small scissors, lint roller, extra bobbins, needle, thread, and my glasses!

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  8. You’re such a kind mother and wife: I would have just stopped answering the phone after the second call. Or depending on my frustration level, maybe after the first call…

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  9. now that is fantastic. i love it. would you mind if i read it aloud at a poetry/writing performance thingy? full credits of course. it just made me smile so very much.

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