NO CULOTTES!

I'm sorry, did I not say that loud enough? I said, NO CULOTTES! I swear, culottes are the work of the Devil. And I don't want to hear any guff about riding bicycles or horses or whatnot — a real lady can ride a bicycle in an actual skirt, not some bastardized waste of fabric designed to bunch where things shouldn't bunch and split where things shouldn't split.

I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but someday I think we'll find out that the same secret Trilateral Commission/Knights Templar/Elks Club-type group is responsible for culottes, carob, that guy you always think is Bill Paxton but isn't, corn syrup, David Blaine, and the vice-presidency, and that only by refusing to wear culottes will we manage to thwart their evil plan. And you know it's evil if it involves culottes.

In fact, I'm wondering if some misguided misogynist too chicken to show off his spindly shanks in a (guys: if you have the legs for this, it is a –except not the leather one, eeewwww), in some fit of rage, designed the culotte. "If I can't wear a skirt, no one can!" (Cue evil laughter, the kind that ends up in an asthmatic coughing fit, and a "no, no, really, I'm okay, I just need a sip of water.")

You know, the lesson of the culotte is this: be what you are. If you're a skirt, embrace the skirtiness of your essential being. If you're a pair of pants — deal with it. Don't be straddling that pants/skirt fence. Don't be a sartorial mugwump. Choose a side, dammit! (The culotte does not have a side. It is all middle.)

(I'm very tempted to buy this pattern from eBay, just to make sure no one makes it. Like those police programs where they trade baseball tickets for guns. And, did you notice how none of the women in the illustrations have a direct gaze? Do you know why? Shame over being forced to wear culottes, that's why. Shame.)

So, one more time for the cheap seats: NO CULOTTES!

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0 thoughts on “NO CULOTTES!

  1. I bought a pair of red double-knit polyester culottes (stitched in white thread, of course) long ago at a thrift store because they were incredibly high-waisted, and were undoubtedly the most unflattering item I’d ever tried on. I’ve held onto them for years, just because they’re so darn awful I can’t bear to part with them…

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  2. Shmae on you and the profanity in you message. I thought I was opening something a godly woman would be writing. I was mistaken. What is the reason you are only wearing skirts? Culottes are the work of the devil? Before you go around boasting about how you dress the most modest because you don’t even wear culottes, think about your heart, It is obvious the problem is there.

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  3. Maybe you would have more credibility about this subject if you had used a more feminine way of expressing yourself. Obscene talking will never win someone over who is trying to live for the Lord! You might as well put on the tightest pants you can find with a vocabulary like that! Your helping no one.

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  4. Who really cares, does it really matter…culottes, split skirts are all stupid…people look at you like you’ve come from the 18th century. Do you really think it’s a conviction? Would you die if you had to wear pants? You can’t be modest in culottes when you’re climbing a ladder or exercising. Wear pants…or maybe you don’t know how to wear pants, because your church and/or husband has so much control over you that you can’t make you own decisions without consulting him about absolutely everything. If you really want to get technical on dress…you might as well go back to how they dressed in the Bible…oh wait, then you’d look like an Arab!

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  5. I recently made some cullottes for myself. I don’t think they’re evil.Check them out if you like.www.nikkishell.typepad.com

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  6. Those are some nice cullottes Nikki. Why does it bother people to wear godly clothing? I think they are convicted. If they wern’t they wouldn’t care what people wear. It really doesn’t matter what we think anyway. In the end it only matters what God says. Jesus said we are judged by God’s Word not our opinion. He doesn’t leave us guessing about things either. HE is very clear and detailed about things. If are hearts are right toward God and we get to know Him through His word and talking to Him every day with an open heart He changes us into what He wants us to be. I am talking about those who are 100% sure they are on their way to Heaven. I also thought that I was opening a Christian sight. I was a little suprised. Only those who are trying to follow the Lord will understand this message.

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  7. I THINK YOU NEED MORE THAN JUST A SIP OF WATER!!!I THINK YOU NEED NOT CARE SO MUCH ABOUT THINGS OF THIS WORLD AND READ YOUR BIBLE ABOUT BEING SAVED.CULOTTES DONT MATTER.GOD ONE DAY IS GOING TO ASK YOU WHY YOU NEVER GOT SAVED IF YOUR NOT, AND ONE DAY HE IS NOT GOING TO ASK YOU IF YOU WORE CULOTTES OR NOT. HE WONT EVEN ASK YOU WHAT YOUR NEIGHBORS OF FAMILY MEMBER WEARS. HE WILL THOUGH ASK YOU ABOUT SALVATION. PHIL.,CHAPTER 4 TELLS US ALL WHAT WE SHOULD BE FOCUSED ON.THINGS THAT ARE LOVELY,PURE,OF GOOD REPORT ECT…IT SEEMS THAT YOU DWELL ON THE THINGS OF GOD AND THIS WORLD WOULD BE ALOT BETTER PLACE FOR YOU TO LIVE.LOOK ME UP ON THE WEB SITE: WAY I CAN HELP YOU MORE.BEV

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  8. I wear skirts because I choose to, not my husband (i dont have one) not my church (no one EVER told me to wear skirts) and not my family (i started going to church before they did). Wearing skirts and culottes is a personal choice, one that should be respected, not scrutnized!

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  9. Wear whatever you choose, with some consideration to your husband, boyfriend, father, children. But don’t think for a minute that culottes or a split skirt are a substitute for a skirt. They are pants!!!! You put them on one leg at a time. You pull them down to go to the bathroom. (You pull a skirt up!)Wear what is appropriate for the activity.

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  10. First of all culottes are no where as evil as you’re mouth. Talking God out of one side and blasphming out the other. God will not keep us from heaven for wearing culottes, but He will for a heart that doesn’t even care to cuss.

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  11. Culottes or not – you are not going to Heaven unless you accept Jesus into your heart (MUST BE SAVED!!!) after that – your own conviction will tell you whether culottes are “fashionable” enough to be seen in public!

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  12. Amen to that ….. Kid like to play but they also want to look it a girl so skort are the best things to wear for that. Large women also get sore with the legs a too close to each other haveing some there make it cofontable and still looks like a lady. If you don’t show some one you are wearing a skort how would they even know. it is 3 quater pant on a full lenght skirt. No one would even know. I feel that GOD made someone to make them because some women prayed that she could be confontable but still look like a women. Have a Blessing of a day 4 saved by the grace of God today.Go out Soul Winning

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  13. I read your comments on culottes with curiosity to why you would think they are immodest, why you hold this view, etc., and I was shocked at your explanation. Our purpose in modesty as women is not to condemn certain articles and become legalistic in our clothing choses, but to glorify our Lord by our chaste demeanor and show care for our brothers by not being a stumbling block. Coming closer in my relationship with the Lord, He is showing me areas I myself need to work on. The trouble is not in pants or culottes or skirts, but whether our hearts are right with the Lord; whether the article of clothing gives glory to the Saviour or to ourselves. He is the author of beauty; we must reflect our God in our dress, but utmost, we must seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Modesty is the outward manifestation of the heart. If you are convicted by God to not wear culottes, then don’t, but please remember that in all things we are to glorify Him – in our speech, in our manner, in our dress. As stated in an earlier post, one day we all will stand before the Judge of the World. Let us strive to love Him more.

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  14. I agree with Bethany, as I am a culottes wearer. What I’m curious about is how you all can type “Amen” and swear all in the same comment. Maybe you ladies should be more concernedwith what’s in your hearts instead of what you’re covering your backside with.

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  15. I don’t have a problem with culottes IF they are very full and look like a dress. Usually I would prefer to wear a dress, except when riding horses. I think for riding culottes can be more modest cause on a windy day dresses can come up.

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  16. I can not understand anyone saying modest clothes are the devil. you might not like culottes but for me and many other women they help us to keep a lady like apperance while be able to do certain task we want to do. I drive a school bus and have to do emergency vacuactions with the kids in case we ever need to evacuate fast. in a skirt I might have problems jumping/climbing out the back door or from one of the emergency windows but with culottes I can and they don’t show off my undergarments. For me its a blessing to be able to do the same things other women can but do it modestly.

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  17. Are you people snorting crack.You cuss and then say that culottes are from the devil.I tell you what you people are so ignorant. You are just uncomfortable with you fat lard selves that you wear something that resembles a tent, and you wonder why you are all divorced/single old maids.By the way do your fat thighs catch on fire?There are people like me in this world with x-ray vision cameras and we can still see what your mamas DIDN’T give you.I know you wont approve this you hag but you still know that you are a flaming hypocrite. You need to go live in California with those same sex marryin’ liberals!If I ever saw you in public I would rip off your dress and put you in short shorts.Then who would be from hell?

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  18. I believe the whole biblical principal is: MODESTY and SEPARATION from looking like the opposite gender. A culotte that is truly modest is one that looks like a skirt all the time, even when youre riding a bicycle or a horse. As for yoga and other activities where you are upside down, I would participate in them only if theyre not co-ed.While I agree that most culottes made today are NOT modest, please dont be so quick to get rid of all of them! If you choose not to wear them thats fine…let everyone else work out their own salvation.

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